hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
