dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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