We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
