I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
