You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
