Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
