his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
