Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
