I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
