what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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