im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
