the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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