Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
