Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
