i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
