I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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