apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
