Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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