well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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