She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
