dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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