I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
