You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
