my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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