i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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