Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
