I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
