Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
