you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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