I want to have your abortion
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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