My girlfriend figured out who you are.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the liver wants what the liver wants
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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