I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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