I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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