the condom got lost in my hair
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
