The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
