Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
