I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
