My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
