the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
