butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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