You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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