i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
