I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My ass is underappreciated
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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