she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
