Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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