We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
