I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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