Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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