i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
