rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
