I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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