Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
