Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
