You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
