you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
